Sunday, Aug. 16, 2009 1:43 a.m.

the song keeps looping in my head, and i keep mumbling the chorus while walking on the street. (這個城市孕育出的人生匱乏得只剩流行曲......)

星星化做太陽　街燈剛剛入眠
凝望沉睡的臉　你還在我枕邊
那一夜太短

天與地都會變　當氣候也改變
白雪溶掉沙礫　我心裡浮起的
仍舊是你的臉

天與地也改變　感覺怎會不變
若這心仍溫暖　還留著你的臉
願這刻能相見

若這心仍溫暖　還留著你的臉
願這刻能相見

went to clear water bay after work this afternoon. walked to the smaller, less crowded 一灘. mum thought i was too gwa jeung to sit on the beach on my own wor. she kept saying i was stupid to give up dentist and doctor, and blamed me for giving up the whole forest because of 1 tree. dou ng ji gwarn meh si... -_-"

"你自己都係斬得一棵樹ji ma! 要咁多樹做乜!" i said to mum.

"係ARK，但係你而家一棵都冇wor! 有乜理由為左一棵樹放棄成個森林(dunno why she used this simile 20 times today)先得GA! 要擺定D後備樹先得ga ma!"

後備樹. dou yiu yau viable option sin duc ga. and sometimes i just get annoyed by mum's very ng yiu duc 諗法. for example:

- 種定後備樹(一個唔o岩都仲有其他人可以做水泡)
- 女仔一定唔好俾錢，AA都唔太好
- 最好揀醫生，有錢又可以幫阿媽睇病，建築師雖然係professional但係都唔夠好，冇錢途
- 冇錢收既野唔好做
- 唔好借野俾人including親戚(i think this only applies to relatives on dad's side which she dislikes)。有次借LONELY PLANET俾堂妹，佢話我做乜要幫佢，佢唔識自己買咩?
- 我做FREELANCE佢一定話我收得太平，蠢到死，佢唔頭唔知路又要作出咁既CONCLUSION我真係好唔GUR

to me such way of thinking is really 離晒譜. 點解由細到大佢同爸爸都要教我做埋D市儈野? 點解同人相處一定要諗辦法攞著數? 我以為做教師唔應該灌輸D咁既思想俾D後生...... or it doesn't actually matter coz i'm not their student?

argh sometimes i get really really pissed off. when i was in secondary school i even felt ashamed of them. i don't blame them if they really think that way.. but could they just shut up and leave me alone? don't try to make me into someone even i myself would despise.

and i really really hope that she would stop talking about doctors. so what if i can't get a boyfriend? i can't possibly die because of that. and that really shouldn't be a focus lor... the more she talks the more i tend to hate doctors (just the male ones). don't 逼死 me please.

damn it. i'm getting angry. -_-"

-

may want to spend some money on a trip to visit those who'll be studying in somewhere else. and i really want to visit MoMA, donald judd and andy warhol. oh donald judd donald judd... how i wish i could achieve your status.

(on the other hand i always worry that i'll overdo it...)