Sunday, Aug. 02, 2009 11:33 p.m.

前幾天終於買了玩具手風琴，之後兩晚回家都到附近的公園練習。這個手風琴只有7個右手鍵，每個鍵可發兩個音，總共有14個音，跟口琴的config一樣，所以不難學懂操作。但比口琴困難的是換氣需要更多時間（口琴只需用口吸氣，手風琴換氣需要用手其且月力拉），簡單的曲子也可能因為要換氣而變得斷斷續續支離破碎，當然沒有半音也是一個問題。

又到馬灣走了一轉，天氣太熱，沒有氣力登山。回家途中又在公園坐下，拿出手風琴玩玩，今天憧得拉bengawan solo和country roads了。一個巴基斯坦人（石蔭一帶住了相當多巴人，小孩子還會在街上玩板球）對我笑了笑，在旁聽坐下。

回到家發神經想彈琴，便拿出children pieces亂彈。媽媽看來很高興，我覺得她從來都喜歡我彈琴多於拉琴，可能因為鋼琴歌POPULAR一點，而且她本人小時候也學過，所以能夠RELATE吧。

她知道我買了手風琴，要我拿出來讓她玩。那麼以後我就把它放在客廳，希望她喜歡玩吧。她還說我們要合奏，我彈鋼琴，她拉手風琴。

想起來，小時候我和哥也有玩二重奏，我即使技術不及他，也要偷步拉他的篠崎第6冊（綠色封面的）。這種幸福大概不會再有，因為我和他走上不同的路，離開太久太遠了。很懷念他的琴聲，那時最喜歡他奏CESAR FRANCK、TCHAIKOVSKY和MENDELSSOHN。

很可惜，他放下了提琴，而我也技不如他，無發重現那琴音。

我自小好勝，他做到的，我都要做到，並以他的喜好作為品味的指標。從偷窺的他的雜物與文字，我接觸到安哲羅普洛斯，認識到mazzy star、sopor aeternus、lacrimosa、AMK，並在TYPICAL女校鬥生鬥死講是講非以外，看到另一種生活。要簡單概括的話，我覺得佢好型，而我都好想型，我想擺脫一些甚麼。

根本不能分辨哪些是我，哪些是他。我想做一個獨立有個性的我，但我同時又想做他，因為他有的，我都想得到。這種不知是悲是喜的情緒，我在幾年前的PLACEBO演唱會上第一次被觸發。明晚PLACEBO又在香港出現，我會在人群中再見到他嗎？

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down

And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

But I know I'm on a losing streak
'Cause I passed down my old street
And if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead

But if you wanna show, just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again

I'm never going down, I'm never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down, I'm never going down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more