Saturday, Sept. 25, 2004 6:20 p.m.

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when i was working in the studio in the small hours, the beatles' let it be kept playing in head. they kept telling me to let it be. waha. i tried to suppress my ng gur, but i wasn't going to "hair" the assignment away.

once you told me you were a perfectionist, but i can't see any trace of a perfectionist on you.
other ppl are ng gur too. it's not my own problem. i get along with other ppl quite well.

by the way, when i slept in my own bed at home after archi night, trista phoned me and told me about this shocking news. this is the website created by trista, joyzi and i in 2002-2003. we won the learning2give website design competition organized by rotary club. go to the index and the ���� pages. what the hell is that �N�ɱ�(Carmen Kut)�p�j?

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she has done NOTHING to improve the website. everything remains outdated and exactly the same as when we submitted the website to rotary club. and what what right has she got to use OUR work to win herself a prize?

some people wonder why i can be so calm. actually i also don't know why. i'm still thinking what impact this event brings on me. people always say i'm tough, but i don't think it's true. i would say i'm rather unfeeling or numb than tough

i didn't realize my problem until recent years. i feel helpless and hopeless. it seems that i'll never have that part that all other people have. i will go on living without feeling. i will never understand what love is because i don't know how to love. for years i've been living in my own world. when somebody told me i wasn't designed to be that cold-blooded, i was very touched. but where to find my humanity?

if you don't know what i'm talking about, refer to the older entries.

Velvet Underground
Pale Blue Eyes

Sometimes I feel so happy
Sometimes I feel so sad
Sometimes I feel so happy
But mostly you just make me mad
Baby you just make me mad
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eyes

Thought of you as my mountain top
Thought of you as my peak
Thought of you as everything
I've had but couldn't keep
I've had but couldn't keep

If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see
I'd put you in the mirror I put in front of me
I put in front of me

Skip a life completely, stuff it in a cup
She said money is like us in time
It lies but can't stand up
Down for you is up

It was good what we did yesterday
And I'd do it once again
The fact that you are married
Only proves you're my best friend
But it's truly, truly a sin
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
Linger on, your pale blue eye